Will I lose my dignity? Will you still care?

i don’t like christmas. i can’t really explain why i don’t – its not that i hate giving presents, i don’t – i love giving presents, and constantly give things to people who are either worse off than me, or have a better use for something of mine than i have. give away my last dollar if they need it as well.

i can’t explain it – im not happy – its not that im not a happy person – i smile alot, im usually happy as well – just, not happy around the holidays. i can’t be happy just because other people think i should be.

i only want 2 things for christmas, a family, and a white christmas. i love white christmas-es, however its spelled. i don’t care about the songs, i just remember them a couple times and they always seemed to be better. of course, i was younger then, without a care in the world, so who knows.

The Dante’s Inferno Test has banished you to the Second Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Take the Dante’s Inferno Hell Test

Which is kinda funny – because I scored High in Violent and Lustful. For violenece, about the only answer I agreed to, was that I enjoy violent movies/games – which, I do, I wouldn’t say I go out of my way to watch them or anything, Just that they are “fun.”

Not even gonna try to explain the Lustful.

So I found this interesting tool called Cacti. I’ve been testing it out, it’s rather interesting. Alot of thanks to r2d2 from #gentoo-laptop on irc.freenode.net for helping me out with getting it up and running. Still messing with a few things on my own, god only knows if I will ever be able to do some things without alot of help. Anyways, a big thanks to everyone in the gentoo channels that i frequent, or idle in. They are almost always extremely helpful, and rarely have I seen a superior attitude from anyone.

So, one of my wisdom teeth really needs to be removed. I think its a combination of my sinuses and it needing to be removed, but I have massive pain in my jaw. The lower left wisdom tooth of mine keeps throbbing, and its rather annoying – it was swollen for a bit, but my brother brought me some Motrin 800′s and it has brought the swelling down a bit. Which has helped, but its still throbbing and painful. Anyways, I haven’t talked to Marsha in a month, and I miss her, wish she would get her phone turned back on.

So, I will be getting my second paycheck this week, I am not sure how much it will be for, and I hate not knowing. I can’t seem to find a program that will let me put in my start and stop time (including lunches) along with my wage amount, and it will (hopefully) spit out how much I should earn (I don’t even care if its before or after taxes, just a general somewhere abouts) I would like to know because I am still 1 month behind on rent, and rent is pretty much due again, which means 2 more paychecks and I will finally be totally caught up. Then I can focus on buying a car, and then finally, other things that I need to focus on. Other than that, there is really nothing going on in my life, I mean, I goto work, I come home from work, I play on the computer for a few minutes, check my email, then head off to shower and then sleep. I love my job, I just get really tired after work. It is pretty physically demanding, and I think, once I can finally buy some groceries, and I am not eating just one meal a day, that I will be able to deal with it better. I think I am massively malnourished. I am the thinnest person in my family, and everyone attributes it to the fact that I never have any food because of the jobless thing. It is weird though, because when I do have food around, sometimes, I am just too lazy to cook anything. I do know how to cook, Jerry and Susan taught me how a long time ago, and I used to make dinner at least once a week, it just seems weird to cook for just myself. Maybe I need to start making a menu at the beginning of the week and stick to it. Anyone know of any menu planning software?